It’s taken me a few days to gather my thoughts enough to share with my relatively small circle of family and friends after the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis. Like many times in my life, music has unknowingly been one of the catalyst for my self-reflection. A few weeks ago, before the murder of George Floyd and around the time that the murders of Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery had come to light in our national media, I found myself listening to Lecrae’s I’ll Find You on repeat. If you don’t know it, you can listen here.
“I’m hanging on by a thread
And all I’m clinging to is prayers
And every breath is like a battle
I feel like I ain’t come prepared
And death’s knockin’ on the front door
Pain’s creepin’ through the back
Fear’s crawlin’ through the windows
Waiting for em’ to attack
They say “Don’t get bitter, get better”
I’m working on switching them letters
But tell God I’mma need a whole lotta hope keeping it together
I’m smilin’ in everyone’s face
I’m cryin’ whenever they leave the room
They don’t know the battle I face
They don’t understand what I’m going through.
Just fight a little longer my friend
It’s all worth it in the end
But when you got nobody to turn to
Just hold on, and I’ll find you..
Fatigue from the stress of everyday life during a pandemic has given way to exhaustion. Tired of seeing black lives taken with no regard. Tired of the constant concern for my own family. Tired of worrying about how I can raise my beautiful brown skin boys. Tired of smiling in the face of privilege. Tired of having to wrestling with being the better person when it seems like the bitter ones always win. It’s simply exhausting, but I’ll “fight a little longer because it’s all worth it in the end.” Even amidst the protesting and chaos throughout our country, my faith allows me to know it is worth it and better days are ahead as long as I continue to use my voice to challenge racism, privilege, and injustice.
While I’ve faced my share of prejudice and racism, I am thankful that it has never put me in harms way physically. However, the incident that Christian Cooper encountered in Central Park hit closer to home. I have not shared this with anyone other than my wife and the individuals who were in the office the day it occurred. Honestly, I’ve tried to to forget the whole situation, but it serves as a constant reminder in the back of my head that privilege and stereotypes are always lurking over the shoulders of black and brown people. Some time in my second year working in student housing in Wilmington, I had my own “Amy Cooper” make an outrageous and unfounded allegation that I quickly escalated to my supervisor at the time, who shared more similarities to “Amy” than me, and as you can imagine that conversation left me distraught, upset, and now well aware of the power given to the “Amys” of the world. The “Amys” had united and it was apparent that my value as professional and human being was certainly of no concern for the fragility of white privilege afford to them. In the long record of egregious racism that black and brown people face, my encounter is just a small and thankfully non-violent experience. But it’s one I will never forget.
There is a long list of things that I may not be able to do while black as we have seen over the past few years. But I cannot and will not stay silent. If you are in my circle of influence, you must not be silent either. The other song I’ve had on repeat the last few weeks is Tasha Cobbs Leonard’s “This Is A Move.” She sings that “we are standing the middle of a move.” Make your voice known that the murdering and injustice of black and brown people by police cannot continue. The song says that “Mountains are still being moved. Strongholds are being loosed. Giants are still being slain.” Call it a mountain or a giant or whatever, but we can overcome this. There is still work to do. Yes, your prayers and thoughts are essential, but will you do more? Will you get in the middle of this move?
- Start with an honest self-reflection. After that self-reflection, start a conversation with someone you love. After that conversation, start another conversation with someone that doesn’t look like you.
- Check Your Privilege. Having privilege doesn’t mean you haven’t faced your own difficulties or hardships. But can you get to a point of acknowledgement of your privilege? Can you leverage your privilege to help slay this giant?
- Vote in every election with your conscious and soul. Forget party lines. Forget your bank account. Forget slogans and brands. Vote with your conscious every time the polls are open. Hold candidates accountable to being in this move with you. If those candidates don’t exist, you get involved to either find someone you can support or you become a candidate.
- Meditate or pray on your knees for 8 minutes and 46 seconds today. That’s how long Derek Chauvin pressed his full body weight on the neck of George Floyd.
‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:31 NIV
modishmike 